Sunday, October 30
the more i smile. the weaker i get. - Sunday, October 30, 2005
+O song i'm listening to: mae - awakeningO+ msn nick at the moment:
k e l - and now i cry in the middle of the night ,
+O personal msg now: empty fears pages torn apart no goodnight kisses anymore. if u have to leave, just leave. but don't come back.
O+ events to look forward to: i dunno. i jux want time to stop.
my life is coming to a halt. i'm feeling so sad all the time.
i really love my friends for being there for me, esp sam and damala. they're my best friends. and they've seen me thru most of the shit i've gone thru so far. but i'm not saying i'm not grateful for all my other friends oki?
the more i smile, the more i really feel like crying. but as they always sae' u gotta be strong'. everything's happening so fast. i wish God would just spread things out , if u know what i mean. we've talked about xmas. they say they'll probably be too bz to celebrate. i dunno wad i'll be doin in spore. that's why i plan to celebrate xmas with damala. omg, heck i'm gonna miss them. and missing a person really frustrates me so much. now i have to miss an entire family.
and my dad. looking at him, i am constantly reminded how inferior i am towards him. i can say how much i dislike his actions or how much i feel like just locking myself in my stuffy rm everytime he comes home fm work. but the truth is, everytime he makes a rude remark abt me, i still start tearing up. i feel like just melting into the ground and disappearing.
nowadays, there's been this little voice inside me asking me to do something i know i shouldn't do.
luv alwaez.
kel